Real Dates, Real Stories, Real People
Quote of the Day
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.
~Pablo Picasso?

I decided I needed to get away; I separated from my husband. I took a friend away with me to the Caribbean, a lovely little island that I continue to frequent. Though it seems I was ready to go away, I wasn’t receptive to meeting anyone, probably not a good combination. I’m also full of NYC sarcasm and ex-husband venom which doesn’t go over so well in other countries or anywhere really. My friend and I arrive in this beautiful country, settle in quickly and decide to go eat and drink. We arrive at the bar closest to the pool, which I have no intention of using. I just plan on looking attractive and drinking in the sunset. Of course, I quickly become friendly with the bar staff (locals) because I’m just friendly like that and my friend is distgusted because she has a superior attitude. In retrospect, how we were friends? We really had nothing in common except the school we went to. The bartender and I were laughing and shooting the breeze but I noticed out of the corner of my eye a man to my right watching my friend and I. He decides to speak to us or as I like to say, her. We basically ignored each other. My friend, Jane and the guy, Mike spoke but it was like oil and water. He was irritating her beyond words and it was just too funny. She decides he’s perfect for me. Excuse me? I’m not even interested in sex at this point in my life, nonetheless this mope, though he did have a very sexy accent. Mike started to talk to me so I engaged in conversation as any civilized human should. He was funny and a ball breaker, two amusing traits in a person I can deal with for the moment. He was annoying my friend and I kind of enjoyed it. Was that so bad? Mike proceeded to tell me/us he was from a long lineage of “pirates”, yes “pirates” four hundred year lineage. He explained his body art. I did tell him I saw him earlier and he was an ass because he wouldn’t move out of the way when we were trying to get to the beach. Turns out our little “pirate”was S. African via the UK and lived on the island so he knew everyone at the hotel. Great. He was funny and he was able to go toe to toe with me. Impressive. Later that night, we met at the bar again, my friend was livid. She wanted nothing to do with him one minute she liked him, the next she didn’t. I suppose if she didn’t get attention she got upset. It was getting funny. Anyway, he turned out to be a fisherman by trade, renting his boat for film shoots etc. We actually became friends and when I went back to the island a few months later we went on a date. We went to dinner then a casino that seemed illegal (he knew everyone) and then to a bar where we hung out with a bunch of his friends. Oddly, he was introducing me as his “girlfriend”. Uh, excuse me, ok, rewind. We didn’t have sex, nothing. The next day I met him at a beach near his house and we walked his dog. Then we hung out at his house and watched tv. He told me about his life. OK, I wasn’t interested to be honest. Then he said, “WE can move to Texas and have a ranch with horses.” Uh, excuse me, ok, rewind. WHAT? TEXAS? WE? What the fuck just happened? Where did all of this come from was all I could think. I let his crazy ramblings just slide. The next time I went to the island I brought a friend again, but decided I wasn’t going to contact Mike. Before I left one of our mutual friends from the hotel came up to me and said , “You heard what happened to Mike?” I said, “No.” He told me he was extradited to the UK and was in jail. He had been a fugitive on the island for a few years. My first reaction was- That bastard!! who is taking care of the dog!!???!!! Then I started to laugh because he was such an ass. A few months later around 3am I get a call from Jamaica and it’s Mike (I have no idea how he got my number since I had changed it). He said he heard two girls were at the hotel and asked about him and when they heard what happened they started to cry and was that me. I said, “Nope, I didn’t ask about you, they told me and I laughed. Bye”

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